You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
