hell yes lets make some ravioli
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
