she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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