I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
