Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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