I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
