he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
