When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
