yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
