Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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