Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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