So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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