About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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