And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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