You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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