I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
