words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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