white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
