How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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