i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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