I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
