Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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