my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
