I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
