Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
