dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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