Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
