she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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