So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
