I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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