the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
