Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
