The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
