Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
