Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
