I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
