Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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