Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
