Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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