I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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