Where is the hickey?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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