where does the pee come out of this thing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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