You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
