so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
