Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
