Someone shit on the floor
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
