I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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