well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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