since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
