i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
