im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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