She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
