apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
