my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
