On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
